We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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