Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
