Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
