Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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