i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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