Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
