I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
