please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
