I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
