I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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