i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
