my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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