I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
