btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Come on in and take your pants off
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