that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
