How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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