Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
