Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
