i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
