Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
