if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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