apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
