If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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