its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
