would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
