If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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