So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
