come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
