did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
