It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
