What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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