windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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