Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You took a bar mat shot.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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