Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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