I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
