its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
