She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
