My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
