there's paper in my vomit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
