hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
MIDGETS
????
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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