I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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