I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
