If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
