I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
