we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
