I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
