Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
