i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
