Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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