what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
