The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
